Where do I begin?

I quickly begin feeling overwhelmed when I think about what to do next. I need a syllabus with chapters, dates and hard deadlines. Some post-its, highlighters and new binder with tabs would be helpful since that's how my GenX brain works best, with lots of office supplies. Moving in general is physically and emotionally draining anyway but relocating to another state is a whole new level of challenge. Our family of nine, okay it's really six humans and three dogs, has a lot of stuff. Where to start? When we put away Christmas a couple of weeks ago I knew it was the right time to sort and purge since it was our last Christmas in the house we've called home for 8 years. The kids aren't little anymore and not as attached and sentimental about all of the holiday decorations. The times of ceremoniously hanging the special ornaments are long gone and I mostly decorate the tree by myself these days. No one had the energy to do the organizing and purging properly and we ended up putting a holiday decoration smorgasbord inside each of the boxes and haphazardly returned them to the attic like always. We all seemed to be having feelings of lethargy mixed with procrastination that was obviously contagious.

T has a terrible case of senioritis and it's everything he can do to just return to school for that one last class after lunch. College applications are done and he has acceptances but still waiting to hear from his top two choices before making a decision. His top choices are the same as mine and his dad's but ultimately we are letting him choose for himself where to go. I'm hoping we raised him well enough that he will consider the most important criteria for himself before making his final decision. There are other factors interfering with his best judgement so prayers for wisdom for T are welcome. T's twin brother W is also graduating this May. W has Down syndrome so his next steps are not as clear as T's. This is but one of the reasons we have decided to relocate out of state. Our eldest son is R, who is 20 years-old and kind of "stuck" right now. He's been trying out different paths and looking for the one that will lead him to employment, independence and ultimately feeling good about himself. R is a person with autism and also part of the reason we have decided that it's time to say adios to the Lone Star State. Finally there is M, our youngest son who is 12 going on 18 and in seventh grade. I guess this is what happens when you grow up with three older brothers and see/hear too much mature content. M is a cool kid with lots of interests. I'm hoping that changing schools after 7th grade won't be a tough transition for him. It helps that the school he will be going to is a junior high school instead of a middle school. It's smaller and has only 7th and 8th grades.

None of us want to move. As much as we love Colorado, Texas is and has always been home and moving was never part of our plan. Rural acreage with big oaks in the quiet Hill Country with goats, chickens, a couple of donkeys and a miniature cow was the plan. To be honest I feel angry. Not sad. Not disappointed. Angry. I wish Texas cared about families like ours who have loved ones with disabilities. There is nothing here for them but decades long waiting lists for services and supports. Nothing is funded as it should be and there is always a risk of institutionalization. Rafa and I are no spring chickens either. We must live somewhere where we know our sons with disabilities will have access to medical care, housing, employment and be a part of the community. Soon we will finally be able to sleep at night knowing that no matter what happens to us or their brothers, W and R will be cared for and never und up in a closed setting or institution where abuse and other horrors are rampant. Colorado doesn't have institutions. Texas has 21.

We are six native Texans heading west to Colorado. Not because we want to, but because the Texas legislature has left us with no other choice.

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